Beewan,

Two days after that eventful night, I am still battling the urge to see you again. I know sooner or later, we will meet again. We are working in the same circle, after all. I am trying to be unaffected. I just wish my heart would stop bleeding.

Lately, I pick up the habit of putting earphones. I don't like earphones, it might hurt my ear drums. I just use my earphones during long travels or when jogging. But now, I'm using it to stop myself from thinking, to preoccupy my mind with music. Music heals the soul, as the saying goes. I hope so. But the irony is, you have been a good influence in my music choice lately. You have introduced me to the 80s music, rock music, to Rage Against the Machine, The Youth, Pearl Jam and Nirvana. Last night, I opened the radio and 21 Guns was played.You like that song. And as much as I wanted to stop myself, tears started to fall.*sigh*

I am still affected. You asked if I would just remain, not far, still a friend. Yes, the friendship will remain. I hope so. But I am taking a step backward. I did not mean to offend you. I just don't want my emotions taking over my rationality this time.

I was hurt. I felt like an easy prey, so naive thinking you would finally decide to move forward with me. I was thinking of only two reasons: (1) you do not have the strength to take whatever we have on the next level, to take responsibility of our feelings (2) you just don't want to move forward with me. Plain and simple. Reason 2 seems more rational Have I told you that you were my first heartbreak? Haha! Pathetic, I know.

Maybe that's why I could not handle this with grace. That could be a childish way to look at the circumstances. I don't know. I don't know what's your take. You are not telling me. I thought it would be easy for us to talk about these things. It isn't.

Maybe we met because of a certain purpose. Perhaps, I have been a good influence to you; that meeting you will test my will and maturity. I just hope I was able to share optimism with you.

Yes, sooner or later we'll meet again in person. If that time comes, I will be prepared and in control of my emotion.

Slowly.To recovery.


b2

I was still enjoying my self-declared holiday when our admin officer texted me that I need to attend a forum sponsored by Mindanao Economic Development Council (MedCo) and it would be greatly beneficial for a communication arts graduate like me.


Venue: Cafe El Gato, Rancho Palos Verde. Hmmm. Place unknown for me.

The swimming pool at the clubhouse. I would really love to take a swim if not for P110 pesos fee! (Actually it was only for exclusive use of members).

It was inside the premises of Davao Butterfly Garden and the Crocodile Park. Two places I haven't been to. Pathetic! hehe

and since the venue is near the crocodile park, look what's on their menu.

Croc meats!


So what transpired during the event? It was quite intriguing and at the same time timely, since Mindanao, Maguindanao in particularly is in the bad light again. How can we communicators link the gap with reality and sensationalism? How can we communicators from Mindanao bridge the gap between Manila and Mindanao media?
So let me share a narrative report I made.



Day 1

The event was graced by communication consultant and media relations experts from Metro Manila. Mr. Marcelino Ballesteros, a professor in Asian institute for Journalism (AIJC) and communications management consultant discussed how to manage communication resources. He talked about the importance of resources like money, human resources, time and the new media. Other resources both intangible and tangible was also tackled. Networks, media, professional memberships and other intangible resources such as image and reputation, credibility, goodwill and experience are important in communicating well our messages to another person. He stressed the importance of having these resources and maintaining it for future partnerships. Since the resource person used to work for IBM-Phils., he shared some of his experience in media relations and corporate activities and the integral role of communications.

He was also the resource person for crisis management and communication wherein he tackled foreseeing the future by reviewing past events. He also reiterated the importance of close media relations in times of crisis particularly in corporations are important in maintaining the image and credibility. Preparing for crisis to come is also very crucial yet sadly, 80% of our government agencies do not have any crisis communications planning as shown by handling of the previous disasters. Setting up the crisis communication plan which will set the guidelines when that eventual situation happens. Preparation and even post-mortem and future crises is important for survival and rehabilitation.

The next resource speaker is Teng Reyes-Castillo, who used to work for Growth and Equity for Mindanao (GEM) and according to her resume, was responsible for the creation of Mindanao section in every newspapers. She's also a PR consultant. She discussed the publicity, public relations, and maintaining the relationship with the press. She also shared 15 ways how to get the stories printed.

During the open forum, the issue on the thin line between maintaining media relations such as gift-giving and being equated to bribery was discussed. To this, Amy Cabusao answered that she advised her staff in Mindanao Times not to accept gifts. She also defended Mindanao media practitioners, aside from the unscrupulous ones, as persons who are dedicated to their work.

The recent Ampatuan massacre has been the topic for the day too, knowing many journalists has been killed from the said convoy. A moment of silence were offered for them. And again, Mindanao is in the limelight for the atrocities done. Mindanao's image and peace building efforts are being tested again.,

In the afternoon, panelists are from print media, bloggers, film and television and young Moro Professionals. Mr. Bloggie Robillo, one of the founders of Mindanao Bloggers, a loose group of Mindanawon bloggers in the island who aims to promote and talk about issues in Mindanao. (FYI: Sir Pete Laviña was one of the members of the core group who conceptualized gathering Mindanawon bloggers). Robillo also shared the previous holdings of Mindanao Bloggers Summit (MBS) in Mindanao (first in Davao City, followed in Gensan and just last October in Cagayan de Oro. The 4th MBS will be on Zamboanga). Blogging for tourism promotion and food appreciations tours are regularly conducted. He was also the resource speaker in Hong Kong for the gathering of Asia-Pacific bloggers and software developers. He emphasized the role of blogging, not necessarily sugarcoating, but presenting Mindanao as it is through individual and collective initiatives of bloggers is important in spreading information through the lens of the inhabitants of the islands.

Amy Cabusao, the editor-in-chief of Mindanao Times shared also the commitment of Mindanao media decision-makers- editors, radio and television station mangers to uphold their role as source of information. The media who reports the news, does not only shows but can also “distort” reality. On their own initiatives, they have been holding their own media summits with different annual themes. For this year, they held the 5th Mindanao media Summit in Cagayan de Oro with the theme: “Elections 2010: Vote for Change, Vote for Peace”. She also shared their frustrations of Mindanao reportage by their Manila counterparts. But she also shared the local initiatives and partnership with community- based media in info dissemination.

Samira Gutoc, the co-convenor of Young Moro Professional, shared her view show communicators promote peace and development in Mindanao. As a correspondent for Inq7.net, she shared that indeed, there is a need to bridge Mindanao and Manila Media. A short historical overview of Phil. media was presented and how it evolved and the bad coverage Mindanao always get. She also attended Media Nation wherein they were able to gather major mass media gatekeepers and how they view Mindanao and the framing of the stories coming from the island. It seems that there is a low demand and interest in Mindanao stories in the mainstream, not unless it is all about gore and war. Bias and prejudice and lack of educations remain to be the reason. There is always a tendency to “exoticize” the island by generalizing it. The aborted MOA-AD; the lack of knowledge in the peace process and Muslim concerns are also considered as “hard sell”. A woman's face in peace negotiations is also lacking.

In the field of Film and television, Mr. Dax Cañedo talked about the initiative of local artists to come out of a distinctly Mindanawon cinema. The head of Davao Alchemy Lights and Vision and co-convenor of Mindanao Film and Television Development Foundation, he shared the rich and diverse narratives in the island that is untapped. Locally produced movies in vernacular is slowly gaining recognition in the international festivals. Sadly, they are also facing promotional problems to the audience since they have to compete with the “internationally-savvy” movies. Next year, the group plans to show the movies in schools for bigger audience and also to promote it to the youth.


The panelists L-R (Amy CAbusao, Dax Canedo, Samira Guto and Bloggie Robillo)

Day 2

Fr. Bert Alejo presented the results of the consultation conducted by Konsult Mindanaw as commissioned by the Bishop's Ulama Council (BUC). At the heart of the controversy of the controversial MOA-AD document the lack of communication. After the aborted signing of MOA-AD, Malacañang tapped BUC to conduct a consultation in the communities. The BUC, on the other hand choose a “neutral group” and decided to tap the academe.


Fr. Bert Alejo, Konsult Mindanaw's Project Coordinator

One of the issue thrown is the source of fund for the consultation. But Fr. Bert defended that they “will not be influenced by the source of fund” and in order to avoid issue, they proposed that they will only make the research design and another group would implement it. But the BUC ask them to do both.

The consultation, according to him is the “sincere response to people's desire participation in th peace process.” The questions anchored on the visions of peace, the GRP-MILF Peace talks, on broader peace process and personal commitment of the people in peacebuilding. He shared the findings of the consultation (Please see attached ppt. presentation.)
Based on the findings, they recommended the following:
1.Sincerity – This are clearly manifested in reforms; the OPAPP's mandate should be also reviewed.
2.Communication- there is a need for a comprehensive media and communication program. OPAPP had one but it was too late for implementation. It was formulated and presented on July 2008 while the signing of MOA-AD was scheduled on August 4. The research proposes to start the communication program by using MOA-AD document as the reference. Secrecy of the negotiations did not work. There is an ICG (international Contact Group) but how about a Local Contact Group? There is a need for parallel, horizontal and even vertical communication. Two substantive issues were also raised by the Supreme Court in the constitutionality of MOA-AD. First, is the process. So what constitutes a legitimate consultation to get SC's approval? Is BUC's Konsult Mindanaw's 300+ groups consulted enough?
3.A Coalition of Consultation Studies Group – Fr. Bert proposes for all NGOs and other groups who already conducted consultations to converge and meet.

Peace has a political and social dimension.

In the afternoon session, speakers are from a national media and correspondent in international media.

Carlos Conde, a freelance correspondent for The New York Times and International Herald Tribune shared his thoughts on what are the international media's impressions on peace and development stories coming from Mindanao. He grew up in Mindanao and used to be a writer for Sunstar. The following are the snippets of his talk:
- Peacebuilding needs blending.
- The recent Ampatuan massacre could be an opportunity to discuss Mindanao problem or we can live it as a hiccup Mindanao subject itself every now and then.
- When you stay in a place long enough, you were not able to see the big picture.
writing for international audience is hard but it is also an opportunity.
- Mindanao is not just a Public Relations problem. There is no way we can present the good news of Mindanao without telling the stories of violence. Apart from the good news, do not ignore the bad news but try to explain it. It is crucial that we try to reach to them (media) and be candid about it.
- We cannot detach Mindanao problem from the national government.
Mindanao is not just an angle (in making the article/story); but for a complex region like Mindanao it should be more than that. If you are a communicator, try to engage the journalist, try to enliven him/her, try to develop into a good source of information and a good relationship with him/her.

The next speaker was from Newsbreak of ABS-CBN, Lala Rimando.


- “Readers appetite” for story. We only pattern our style according to their appetite.
- We journalists need someone who's credible and we can go to anytime for information.
- We need a story that “sells”. Important also to consider several factors to determine if your story is “newsworthy”: timeliness, scope. interest.
- There are lost of peace and development stories in Mindanao but at the back of our mind, we have to think if the story would sell.
- It is the nature and structure of media to be that way. they had to shock the audiences in order for them to grab a copy or read the story.
online media change the dynamics of the newsroom.
- communications should assess traditional media. Take advantage of the power of the web to influence agenda.


Day 2 panelists (L-R) Carlos Conde, Lala Rimando and Fr. Bert


In the afternoon, a focus group discussion was conducted to be incorporated for Mindanao 2020 of MedCo. Minda2020 is a Peace and Development Imperative, a plan that will set development imperatives in Mindanao for the next 11 years. The participants were asked to share its vision for Mindanao in the next 20 years, what are the important things or reforms to be done. Most of the participants shared their views, majority are still hopeful for sustainability of Mindanao and the importance of good governance in the island. While two or three participants, sees more devastation for the island if there are no crucial reforms in education, environmental protection and people's behavior.

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” -Jimi Hendrix


These past days, we have been hearing the names Ampatuans, Mangudadatu, Maguindanao, massacre, death everyday. I for one has been saturated of the gruesome pictures and this barbaric act. Sadly, this week is also the Celebration of Mindanao's Week of Peace, an annual event that highlights peace initiatives from all over the world. The event has been mired down by this event but the peace builders and advocates will not be hampered. This event showed us that in the process of conflict, there is hope for mediation and regaining strength to plant peace.

This year's PEACE ON TOUR has several workshop sessions to understand fully ourselves and how to deal with intra and interpersonal conflicts.

So yesterday, my office mates and I were invited to join sharing on personal conflicts and meeting a person living with HIV/AIDS at ALAGAD-Mindanao's office in Kamuning St., Juna Subdivision which incidentally is near the mansion of Mayor Andal Ampatuan.


The gates of the "one block" mansion of Mayor Andal Ampatuan, Sr. in Juna Subdivision

The Person living with HIV/AIDS (PLHIV) shared the struggle he faced when he was diagnosed by the said disease. Before sharing, the staff of ALAGAD Mindanao (an NGO advocating for health and stigma associated with HIV/AIDS) asked us to sign a confidentiality contract. It says we cannot disclose the description of our resource speaker ( a person with HIV/AIDS). We can share the experiences and draw out lessons from it but they asked us not to describe the face. Our resource speaker described how hard it was open up about the disease and his sexuality. He knows his parents would ask where possibly he acquired the virus and why he's been sick all the time. So he decided to come out and be clean despite his fear of his father and brother. Good for him, his family and close friends stood up for him. They are crucial support groups in his recovery. For persons living with HIV, the support groups are every important in order for them face the reality and even death, if it get worse.


Poster for the World's Aids Day Celebration on Dec.1.

Kuya Mike Mahinay, one of the counselors in Alagad shared that they have clients who are able to open up to their families about their diseases but up until now could not "come out." This is attributed to the macho values in a patriarchal society like ours. Family support is very important. They observed that those affected by HIV who's responding fast to the medicines are also the ones who has been open about their sexuality.

What's alarming during the sharing is the rise of bisexuals who are still afraid to "come out" and has heterosexual partners and the invisible line of risk to their respective partners. Looking also in gender relations, 40% of wives battered are at high risk of being transmitted with HIV/AIDS. Around 60% of wives economically dependent to their husbands are also at risk of being infected. Why? Women who are battered cannot say NO and negotiate in marital sex. And mostly of the cases of battered women, the husbands mostly engages in sex with other women. But no empirical data is available on this but this is a trend that's happening not only in the Philippines but in Asia.

It is also alarming that here in Davao City, the numbers are increasing for the youth (16-25) who are getting at risk of HIV/AIDS because of risky unprotected sex.


Poster raising awareness on sexuality and protected sex.

Gender-sensitivity is not the only part that we have to learn but alongside with it is reproductive rights. Sadly, we are still battling even to the passing of the Reproductive Health Bill.

After the activity, we have to proceed to conflict transformation workshop. We asked the boys to just hire a jeep. When they got back, they shared that when Manong Drayber asked them where he has to get the passengers, they told him, "Kamuning St. Manong, basta kanang duol sa balay ni Ampatuan!", Manong driver almost backed out. His afraid since the police and NBI has been patrolling the area, according to him.

So the next activity was conflict resolution in Shrine Hills, Matina, a place overlooking Davao Gulf. Just right place to keep you at peace. John Mark Cajiuat from Bread for the World facilitated the workshop. Pictures were placed on the floor and we were asked to take pictures that "talk to us", pictures that we can relate too. I choose a man holding .45mm pistol standing in a middle of thousand of other .45 pistols.

It reminded me of arms trade and warlodism that reigns in Maguindanao. With illegal and unregulated arms that is being made in the province, it makes the political clans invincible. As Dean Marvic Leonen on UP College of Law puts it in political equation 1: amount of insecurity is directly proportional to the number of bodyguards employed.
2: propensity for corruption is also directly proportional to the number of public officers serving as body guards.

This is true in the area. I don't know if the military or the Police has an exact number of bodyguards and "civilian volunteers" serving the Ampatuan family. Wherever they go, they have convoys! and since they are "CVOs", the government pays for it. It's the people's money, money from taxpayers like me! I was enraged during the discussion.

Then JM asked the group, particularly me, "Do you believe that reconciliation will be possible between the Ampatuans and Mangudadatus?"

Yes it is possible, I said. I am still hopeful that the two clans will reconcile, when both have already used up their resources and both are already powerless. And it is possible if the children from both families also take steps to reconcile their families.

I am still keeping my hopes.

(written on November 25,2009; 7:53PM)

I was not watching the news lately. I am sick and tired of these beaming politicians and their unending promises.

I was busy moderating the forum we have co-sponsored when my phone rang and several texts received. It was from my sister. It’s unusual. First, we had a misunderstanding for two weeks now and she never texted me. She probably came to her senses and has forgiven the spoiled brat. When I read her text, it was full of concern. She wanted to know where I was, if I was traveling and if I have companions.

She thought I was traveling again to Maguindanao. She chattered about the massacre in Buluan. She was alarmed since after Datu Paglas, I’ll be passing the municipality of Buluan, Pres. Roxas and Tacurong before I arriving to Marbel. She was talking about the massacre. I could not comprehend what she was talking and I promised her I’ll be off the traveling trail and I’m in on my writing process now.

After the forum, I immediately searched what's behidn her hysteria. And she, I and everyone has the right to be hysterical for the massacre in Sitio Salay, Brgy. Salman, Ampatuan, Maguindanao last November 23. What happened is the WORST Killings and the most violent in the history of pre- election violence.

Vice Mayor Esmael Toto Mangudadatu of Buluan would like to run as governor of the province of Maguindanao, in opposition to the reigning Ampatuan family in the province. His wife decided to file his COC (Certificate on Candidacy) to the COMELEC alongside with other female relatives and supporters. They also asked the media to accompany them in their convoy. The group requested the army but it was declined claiming their forces are depleted in the area and it’s the PNP’s area of responsibility. The PNP on the other hand, denied that they have knowledge on the said request.

On their way to the Comelec, on Barangay Salman, the group was held captive by armed men. They were asked to line up and were shot on the head. The buck how used to dug up the victims burial place is owned by the provincial government with the capital names of ZALDY AMPATUAN etched on it.

The Mangugudatu claims they are now holding four survivors and witnesses to this gruesome event.

I don’t know where this will lead. Rido or clan war is really up to avenging and taking lives from each clan. But in any rido, women and children are spared. But what happened goes beyond the cultural aspect of revenge and avenging death. It is about greed, warlordism and impunity.

The journalists and victims, which sadly are women were killed mercilessly. The journalists were killed not during crossfire, or by accident but was killed non senselessly by a political clan who maintains private armies to maintain their power.,

And it is very disgusting that this government is dillydallying on its decision. Ampatuan clan after all is one of the closest ally of the current administration. Ampatuan’s have delivered an over-all win to Team Unity, the administration’s slate last 2004 and 2007 election. And in return, the current administration has even approved of the clan’s reign and provided the private army of the family. Civilian volunteer’s organization (CVO), they call. And these private armies is being paid by the taxpayer’s money!

I read this article describing the Ampatuan’s reign in the province. Political dynasty at its finest! Imagine, they are ruling 7 municipalities even up to the point of making another one to accommodate their control on the area. The initial investigation showed that Mayor Andal Unsay Ampatuan’s as the prime suspect. If the government is really serious to solve this crisis, the military and police could have interrogated the suspects, but where are the Ampatuans? They are still sitting at their posh and luxurious mansions while the families of the 50+ victims are grieving, and could no longer identify the defiled bodies.

Hearing the news, appalled me. Again, Mindanao has been in the limelight. Not because of honor but because of warlodism and impunity that reigns over the area. It is appalling to look at the mansions of these politicians while the shanties, temporary houses of the poor majority of the population are everywhere. Evil has become so strong, that even brutal and inhumane acts are done in the name of power. Guns, goons, gold and god are with them, life has become useless.



Thanks to the Ampatuans, Mindanao, Maguindanao in particular is a deadly place. The peacebuilding efforts and even promoting the island has been watered down, what remained is the disturbing image of tortured and defiled bodies. It’s a nightmare. But I do hope in this time of crisis, we will use it as a springboard to move again and show our outrage. Let us not only remember their death but let us all unite to call for political clans to disarm and for the administration (and for coming officials) to stop cuddling political clans in return of votes every election.

For the victims,

Battered bodies, shattered dreams,
Lining the streets no end to the means
Crippled corpses, vandalized streets
degraded, penetrated beaten down
bought and sold

-- Bought and Sold, Wolfgang

Okay I just want to give a rest on the political talks and Mannny Pacquiao's historic feat.

As I read some posts from dear old friends and my usual laugh trip at some funny posts, I chanced upon Lance's entry. He posted an article reminiscing his antics and misdemeanors. I laughed at the idea of this "saintly" valedictorian used to stab his classmates' eyes and pushed his cousin around. Oh well, we do have sinister plans when we were a kid. Revenge is always sweet.And I have my own share of such meanness.


Yes, I am a brat. In the compound where I grew up in Marbel, I was the youngest female kid and mostly of my playmates are boys. Then there was the twins, Tonton and Tata who lives just in front of our house. Their mother wanted to have a girl but she could no longer conceive a child. She somehow "adopted" me, and the twins were my "brothers." Tonton and Tata would like to play those boy games and I always wanted to participate on those games. When they climbed the guava and santol trees, I wanted to prove to them that I can do what they can do. I followed suit even my short limbs had difficulty on climbing the branches. One day, I insisted on following them getting the ripe guava fruits. They would not let me since the tree could no longer accommodate our weight. I, The hardheaded one did not listen. I struggled to climb and reach the fruits; the branch snap off and I fell. Fortunately I fell on my butt on the sack of sands just near the culvert and not on the cement.

Because of shame, I cried. No, I wailed like a pig ready to be butchered. I created a scene.
My Nanay Nelly and the twin's mother came running and were very worried. When asked why I climbed the tree, I pointed at the twins. Tonton and Tata received the ultimate punishment on their household: leather na pakpak. In short, the thick leather belt that hangs near their altar kissed their asses. I think, Tonton and Tata never forgave me for that.

When Tata, Tonton and I met five years after that incident, we could not talk. I was too ashamed for what I have done. To break the ice, I ask, "Naglabiti ba ang paha? (Did the belt sting?)" And they nodded. I said sorry for being such a big fat mean liar and they both laughed.


I also remembered the time I pulled Maricar's hair when she told the class about Reggie's (a transferree student from Gensan) confession of his "admiration slash crush" on me (yacks!). That was so unthinkable since Maricar and I had known each other since we were four. I remembered putting those pink nicely chewed Bazooka bubble gum on Cutie's chair since she didn't let me hold her new pencil case.

Yes, I was so mean. But I got my own share of karma too from my cousins. When i turned six, I relocated at my maternal grandmother's place. We were four girls and the older ones (my ate and my other cousin) are meaner. Meaning, they bully me and Angel, my other younger cousin. In order not to get their attention, I have to behave. That gave me the precious lesson of the Golden Rule: Never do unto others what you don't want other do unto you.