Magic(al) Realism : (extended) family

Why I decided to spend my Christmas holidays in Islamic States

8:30 AM

I just had my adrenaline-fix from the adventures in Vietnam and Cambodia but I am finding myself in Jakarta (Indonesia) and will be in Kuala Lumpur and Johor Bahru (Malaysia) for the next two weeks.

I am not boasting and I am not travelling for travel's sake. So why I am doing it on a holiday which is supposed to be a family event?

Christmas holidays should be spent with the family, tradition say. It is not just about shopping for material gifts but really spending quality time with our family.
What and who is family? People close to me by now know I got other concepts of 'family". Close friends knew why.

Family is not just your mother, father, sisters and your immediate family. Family is where you find kindred souls who support you and know you well despite the bad things thrown at you. Family is the people who love you unconditionally.

My immediate women-led family.

Also when holidays come, the questions though well-meaning is also tactless. "So when are you getting married?" or "Why are you still single?". Imagine yourself being asked these every year. These questions are not necessarily from my immediate family. Nonetheless this always make me cringe.

I grow up independently and I owe my fearlessness to try new things with my maternal grandmother. She wanted me to be open-minded. I took that courage with me and explored areas beyond our little town. I know if she is alive now, she will understand. She will have tampo but she will understand and will support me. She was our peacekeeper. The sad thing is, the small piece of land she left is now a subject of a family feud. I have been taking care of the tax payments and keep some documents so that made me a stakeholder. Not that I am interested to sell the land in the future. I hold on to it as it is a memory of my grandparents. And there is where I spent my childhood.

As the "single and mature" one, some members of the family wanted me to solve the feud and make plans to "develop" the said land. Developing the land takes time and money! And I am not investing my hard-earned money to it as there are a lot of interested parties. I know how land feud can be very bloody, literally and figuratively. I have enough headache already.

At this point, I don't want to act mature and solve the problems of their own doing. I wanted to have a stress-free holiday. So when I asked my soul sister Nur Hasanah in Jakarta if the offer to stay with her in Jakarta is still open and she said a big YES, I checked for flights and booked it without any second thoughts. I met Nur through our 3-week fellowship in Wageningen and our sisterhood was strengthened by our common love for travelling and getting out of the norm. She also introduced me to Counchsurfing and she already visited me in Davao last year. Her post was prophetic telling me that the next jumpshot picture we should have will be in her turf.

From Wageningen, Netherlands to Davao City (Davao del Sur) and Dahican, Mati City (Davao Oriental), the crazy Asian partners in crime (Nur Hasanah and I) are reunited and jumping around!! Last posted in my FB account in August 2013.

Things are falling according to its place. And before my passport expires, I want to maximise it as the renewal process will surely take long. I promise to help out my sister settle That land problem in January. I will take a rest as I will be taking new refresher classes for my MA class. And career-wise, there are exciting things coming.
I want to experience this Christian holiday in a predominantly Islamic country. Get lost and find myself. I want to make a sense of the feeling how to become a minority in this long Christian holiday and see how they do it in other parts of Asia. I wanted to be uprooted in my comfort zone. Besides, is this not the best way to start the ASEAN 2015 Economic Integration work? I'd like to think I am an ambassador of goodwill. haha!
I will try to keep up with my odd-ventures here (though blog posts with the previous trips still unfinished).

"A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born. ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry"

I don't question my immediate family's love for me, but there are things they cannot just comprehend. Like the idea of continuing further education, the idea of travelling and the "expenses" one incur. Why not invest it to somewhere else or with something tangible? They could not understand why I am in an NGO and not "settle for a more stable government work." I already invested in something tangible and travelling is an investment too. It makes you more confident and see things in different perspectives. And besides I spend my own money for my travels. This is always a subject I don't want to talk about when I go home but always crop up in the conversations. I got tired of explaining.

Then by big chance, another friend I met through the Courchsurfing site will be in Jakarta and he invited me to spend the other half of my holiday break in Malaysia. I was supposed to host him in Davao but he was not able to obtain a visa in time. I got another Couchsurifng gal, Azra Ain to host me in Kuala Lumpur.

Cheers for a great year ahead of us! Merry blessed CHRISTmas! Do not forget the real reason for this season. And let's create more stories together. :)

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(extended) family

Kid in our Hearts

9:18 PM

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(extended) family

Remembering 2012, Welcoming 2013!

10:44 AM

Yes another year will pass. And like any last day of the year, we could not help but reminisce the good memories, the blessings we received as well as the mishaps we encountered. Time flies so swiftly. If we could only hold on to that moments but we know we can't. Like the sand we can’t hold to it forever. We can just smile and HOPE that we can do better for the next year.

The year 2012 is A year of Firsts of All Sorts.

I started the year with a very exciting heart.

It was only last February when I was busy preparing for the first trip with the Happy Freaks to Intramuros and Subic.

It was my first to travel abroad, explore and make new friends.

I will always be thankful for the great opportunity to meet Nur, Maarten and discover more the world and trust in humanity through Couchsurfing (CS). I also met an interesting couple, Inna and Jeroen in an equally interesting circumstance. It just showed that we can conquer distance and technology can be used to make the world smaller. We can make it a borderless world.

I learned a lot from the experiences of my classmates from different parts of the world for the Competing Claims on Natural Resources Management Class.

Competing Claims on NRM Class 2012. :)

My happy feet took a life of its own. I explored more with my CS Davao family. I am grateful for knowing the passionate fellow travelers Mommie Gracie, Manoy Czaldy and Kuya Marcial, Mok-mok, Allyn and Eiki. Meeting and talking to Journeying James is also a bonus.

CS Davao goes to Amihan sa Dahican in Mati, Davao Oriental

Adventure is a part of my body. Work could not stop me from exploring the place I visit. While waiting for our annual meeting for the energy advocacy, I stopped by Manolo Fortich and tried the Anicycle offered by Kampo Juan. 80 feet, 250 meters long! Fear of heights? Nah!

Last May, it’s my first ascent to the Grandfather of all mountains to say thanks on my birthday. Apo Sandawa, I will always be grateful for the gift of life and friendships.

Midyear, BIG CHANGE career-wise opened up. I have to jump over the fence and expand my work with new organization on disaster. I tried my hands on technical reports and feature writing more. It gave me the opportunity to work with advocates and be more aware of Davao City's (my second home) issues.

Then I decided to enroll on the newly opened Masteral Program of Environmental Anthropology in Ateneo de Davao University under the Institute of Anthropology. I remember telling myself I will be flirting with words again and despite thick readings and eyebags, I am enjoying. I am learning not just theories but more from my classmates from all profession. This is a class nurtured by cooperation and sharing, from readings to food!

Envi Anthropology Pioneers! :)

Then I was offered a job that no one can say no. I was asked to be the research assistant of the senior anthropologist, Pons Bennagen on one legal land rights study in Butuan City. I’m back on the field and it’s my first try to work with the academe. Sir Pons never stop being a fieldworker. His quotable quotes, intellectual jokes will make you say, uuhhmm..”Anyare?” and he always remind us to ask ourselves, what comes after your work? The lingering question is, “So what?”. As researchers we have moral and social responsibility and we owe to the community the knowledge we gain from them.

Adding to my Firsts is my First Asian Trip to the Land of the Elephants- Bangkok, Thailand. Same same but different., as their tagline says. We are quite the same with Thais in terms of facial features, weather-wise but we have too much differences in terms of governance and language.

Sawadee Bangkok!

And of course, the year ended with the most BLISSFUL email I got. I might be giving up some things I've gained this year but opportunities like these are hard to come. There is still a loooong process to undertake but it can't stop me from dreaming.

I know more intense disasters are coming but our faith must be stronger. Typhoon Pablo might have devastated homes, but never our Spirit. We need to prepare and we can do this if we brave storms together.

As we end this year, I humbly bow my head for all of the grace and test, to strengthen my heart.

To all of the people who remained- I THANK YOU! I love you.
To my new acquaintances- I look forward on forging new memories.
To all new adventures and travels- I am ready. :)
To God- I remain faithful.

I am starting the year with an excited and hopeful heart again. Giiidddy giddy yap.

I am closing this year with the loudest cheer. And I am claiming 2013. Yahoooooo!!! J

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(extended) family

A Tale of Two Weddings (and more!)

2:24 PM

In our Theory Class, we read Lila Abu-Lughod’s article on pregnancy in relation to the Bedouin women’s experiences she observed in her research. It was an interesting read on how traditional and new ways of getting pregnant, and how technology changes the way we view women’s body. Or as my friend Ken said, it’s an encouragement for us women to use our uterus. Haha! Hers is a new way of writing with gender perspective, an autobiographic ethnography.

I on one hand, had this topic that's boggling me for quite some time. :) Allow me to be self-indulgent and let me share my experience about weddings instead. Coming from family headed by women (I grew up with my maternal grandmother and aunts), and later on nurtured by my aunt who has 4 boys, I had the experience of freedom to speak out my thoughts as well as compete with boys on running, climbing the santol and guava trees, aside from learning the expected ‘female’ roles of sewing and cooking (which I both sucked at!J). Then after college, I worked with an organization that is prominently governed by women (AFRIM has 13 women and only one male staff!).

As one observer said, Highly feminized NGO. :)

I worked under three Executive Directors who are into ‘gender issues’. Then I became more aware of issues--of women leaders who continue to struggle with their husbands who doesn’t like their inclusion to groups since it ‘hindered’ their ‘family obligation’ and of community members constant questioning of one’s lovelife and ‘settling down ideas.’

When you go to communities, you see women on their twenties (or even younger) are already mothers. Despite promotion of reproductive health and self-development, the idea of taking advantage of one’s fertility during twenties resonates with my aunts. The idea of ‘stability’ and ‘marriage’ continue to perpetuate. Sometimes, my aunts or even my cousins could not understand my decisions of further study and/or working at an NGO. You see, the idea of ‘settling down’ is having a regular job at the government, marrying at your 20s (to have a longer time to bond over your children?) and working your arse off until you retire. I tried to explain to them that I was not cut for that. Sometimes, it’s just hard to explain. Or I just stopped explaining.

There are four of us girls in the family. My sister is already married with 2 kids, my other cousin (older than me by a year) just got married last April and is now expecting a child. And this month, another cousin (two years younger than I) will be walking down the aisle. And again, the most dreaded question continues to arise, “So when are you getting married too?” You just can’t raise you eyebrows and explain about your unfulfilled dreams, unplanned trips and unstoppable thirst for learning. Further studies meant it would be hard for you to be on the “marriage market”, one of the relatives commented. Women pursuing higher studies will be at a disadvantage, a male friend commented. Women’s value ‘depreciates’ since it’s now difficult to find a man who can surpass your achievements and will be intimated by your intellect while for men it would be inversely proportional. The higher the educational achievement for man, the more desirable he is for women. (say whuuut?!!)

And I died. I thought the discourse on gender equality and women empowerment is already on the mainstream. But traditional notion of how and what should be the women’s role permeates. The issue of ‘multiple burden’ for women was a part of the discussion during the 80s and continues until now. Feminism, after all is not solely about women but also making the men aware of the struggle. A successful woman leader I know told me her initial story of negotiating with her husband and children; of dividing the family time and household chores. No community woman leader can be successful without her family’s full support. It would be very difficult, constantly struggling with your ideals and be bonded within your home. The “marrying of the public and private self”, that is to become wholly woman.

I remembered succinctly our forum on 2009 on “Women and Peacebuilding: Pushing Past the Margins”, highlighting the role of women in peacebuilding in conflict-affected countries in Asia such as Mindanao, Southern Thailand and Sri Lanka as based on the research conducted by Prof. Rufa Guiam. March 8, the International Women’s Day already made a long way for women’s rights advocacies. But the challenges and conflict dynamics continue to confront women.

Based on the Gender Equality Index of the World Economic Forum, our country has been ranked 6^th in terms of countries with high gender rating as measured through the proportion of women in decision-making positions. More often than not, we see women at the forefront of restoring normalcy, harmony, conflict prevention and transformation and in the promotion of gender fair structures in society, but seldom in the formal peace processes in Mindanao. For the past decades of formal negotiations (with the Moro Fronts and the National Democratic Front) while struggling for their respective right to self determination and ideology, only a few women were involved in the peace negotiating panels. Thus, there is a need to uplift and recognize the role of women in both formal and informal peace processes.

It is resonating the call that women’s role are beyond the household. Women can make change in the discourses of power, in the public level of political decision making. Women holding power not because they are just sisters, daughters or wives of the politician but because of their own merits. We need more women holding and wielding power for the betterment of women.

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” ― Anaïs Nin

PS. I really love weddings. It's magical; especially close friends asking you to be a part of their special day but I hate the when-are-you-planning-to-questions. As for the upcoming *wedding drama*, I'll just strut my booty and swear I won't join the bouquet throwing part. I had enough of that bruhaha.. nyahaha

Let me share this awesome quote:

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(extended) family

Things that Make me Happy and Oh so Gay!

1:29 PM

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(extended) family

Wander and Wonder!

9:44 AM

The Holstee Manifesto

I saw this picture as my collegue’s Liezl’s laptop wallpaper. I immediately fell in love with the simple words. Every word resonates a twentysomething’s yearning, a person seeking for his/her place under the sun. Who wouldn’t want to travel and learn more from the experiences? Who wouldn’t want to do the things they truly believe in? The things you are more passionate with? Not everyone is given a chance but most have fallen into the system, taking the conundrum and has forgotten about their dreams?

The world we live in right now demands us to have a higher paycheck, get a stable job, acquire luxurious things in order to be seen as ‘successful.’ Earn money first. Travelling, you can do later in life. Probably after you paid the mortgage. It could work for some. But for me, life is a series of adventure and doing something you are truly passionate with. When you love what you are doing, you are not working; you are living! J

When we were younger, we were thought to dream, to look at the stars and shoot for the moon. My Lola Luz taught me to explore beyond our baryo, to dream big beyond our city. My aunt, Mommy Suzette told me there is more beyond the places you are comfortable with. When you travel to the place for the first time (and you don’t know anyone from that place), you’re giddy, nervous and uncomfortable but you have to conquer that. You must keep that ‘giddiness’ of experiencing something new. It makes you alive, she added.

With my Mommy Suzette, the ultimate traveler in the family.

We fear the unknown. We are afraid of taking risks that we opt to continue with the routine. Because it’s already a habit we had formed and it’s hard to break it. Get out of your comfort zone. How many times have we heard this? Getting out of the things we used to do and trying out of our established routine. It might not be something really huge, we can start gradually until we have seen a bigger picture- that something more is out there.

It is only by acknowledging and accepting the need, to take the big leap of faith. In order to go to new places, we have to accept that we don’t want to be in a place we are right now. Some are afraid if they will be doing it alone.

We always see pairs of people. What if something happened, we continually ask. Having a company is really great. Traveling for instance with a buddy or with a group is comforting. But traveling alone is a different experience!

When in group, you have to have an itinerary. You have to plan it out more. Or even with a buddy. When I travel, I tend to walk aimlessly. And whenever someone would like to join me, I have to warn him/her. I can go on walking and could not care less. I can go with no itinerary or specific areas to see. Some people can be uncomfortable without plans. After all, we were told to plan always, to be prepared and be ready. But getting lost in a journey and without a plan could be a plan after all!

It is only by getting lost that you’ll find yourself. The Holstee manifesto said. And it’s only when you get lost that you’ll be able to see unexpected sights and meet people who’s willing to lend a hand to bring you back ‘on track’. And it's having no expectations that you'll see more the magic. Sitting alone, having the time with yourself- you'll learn more and see the world clearly.