Magic(al) Realism : (non)fiction

You have a part of my soul

5:19 PM

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A Tale of Two Weddings (and more!)

2:24 PM

In our Theory Class, we read Lila Abu-Lughod’s article on pregnancy in relation to the Bedouin women’s experiences she observed in her research. It was an interesting read on how traditional and new ways of getting pregnant, and how technology changes the way we view women’s body. Or as my friend Ken said, it’s an encouragement for us women to use our uterus. Haha! Hers is a new way of writing with gender perspective, an autobiographic ethnography.

I on one hand, had this topic that's boggling me for quite some time. :) Allow me to be self-indulgent and let me share my experience about weddings instead. Coming from family headed by women (I grew up with my maternal grandmother and aunts), and later on nurtured by my aunt who has 4 boys, I had the experience of freedom to speak out my thoughts as well as compete with boys on running, climbing the santol and guava trees, aside from learning the expected ‘female’ roles of sewing and cooking (which I both sucked at!J). Then after college, I worked with an organization that is prominently governed by women (AFRIM has 13 women and only one male staff!).

As one observer said, Highly feminized NGO. :)

I worked under three Executive Directors who are into ‘gender issues’. Then I became more aware of issues--of women leaders who continue to struggle with their husbands who doesn’t like their inclusion to groups since it ‘hindered’ their ‘family obligation’ and of community members constant questioning of one’s lovelife and ‘settling down ideas.’

When you go to communities, you see women on their twenties (or even younger) are already mothers. Despite promotion of reproductive health and self-development, the idea of taking advantage of one’s fertility during twenties resonates with my aunts. The idea of ‘stability’ and ‘marriage’ continue to perpetuate. Sometimes, my aunts or even my cousins could not understand my decisions of further study and/or working at an NGO. You see, the idea of ‘settling down’ is having a regular job at the government, marrying at your 20s (to have a longer time to bond over your children?) and working your arse off until you retire. I tried to explain to them that I was not cut for that. Sometimes, it’s just hard to explain. Or I just stopped explaining.

There are four of us girls in the family. My sister is already married with 2 kids, my other cousin (older than me by a year) just got married last April and is now expecting a child. And this month, another cousin (two years younger than I) will be walking down the aisle. And again, the most dreaded question continues to arise, “So when are you getting married too?” You just can’t raise you eyebrows and explain about your unfulfilled dreams, unplanned trips and unstoppable thirst for learning. Further studies meant it would be hard for you to be on the “marriage market”, one of the relatives commented. Women pursuing higher studies will be at a disadvantage, a male friend commented. Women’s value ‘depreciates’ since it’s now difficult to find a man who can surpass your achievements and will be intimated by your intellect while for men it would be inversely proportional. The higher the educational achievement for man, the more desirable he is for women. (say whuuut?!!)

And I died. I thought the discourse on gender equality and women empowerment is already on the mainstream. But traditional notion of how and what should be the women’s role permeates. The issue of ‘multiple burden’ for women was a part of the discussion during the 80s and continues until now. Feminism, after all is not solely about women but also making the men aware of the struggle. A successful woman leader I know told me her initial story of negotiating with her husband and children; of dividing the family time and household chores. No community woman leader can be successful without her family’s full support. It would be very difficult, constantly struggling with your ideals and be bonded within your home. The “marrying of the public and private self”, that is to become wholly woman.

I remembered succinctly our forum on 2009 on “Women and Peacebuilding: Pushing Past the Margins”, highlighting the role of women in peacebuilding in conflict-affected countries in Asia such as Mindanao, Southern Thailand and Sri Lanka as based on the research conducted by Prof. Rufa Guiam. March 8, the International Women’s Day already made a long way for women’s rights advocacies. But the challenges and conflict dynamics continue to confront women.

Based on the Gender Equality Index of the World Economic Forum, our country has been ranked 6^th in terms of countries with high gender rating as measured through the proportion of women in decision-making positions. More often than not, we see women at the forefront of restoring normalcy, harmony, conflict prevention and transformation and in the promotion of gender fair structures in society, but seldom in the formal peace processes in Mindanao. For the past decades of formal negotiations (with the Moro Fronts and the National Democratic Front) while struggling for their respective right to self determination and ideology, only a few women were involved in the peace negotiating panels. Thus, there is a need to uplift and recognize the role of women in both formal and informal peace processes.

It is resonating the call that women’s role are beyond the household. Women can make change in the discourses of power, in the public level of political decision making. Women holding power not because they are just sisters, daughters or wives of the politician but because of their own merits. We need more women holding and wielding power for the betterment of women.

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” ― Anaïs Nin

PS. I really love weddings. It's magical; especially close friends asking you to be a part of their special day but I hate the when-are-you-planning-to-questions. As for the upcoming *wedding drama*, I'll just strut my booty and swear I won't join the bouquet throwing part. I had enough of that bruhaha.. nyahaha

Let me share this awesome quote:

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(non)fiction

Sulat para sa Kadayawan 2011

6:03 PM

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(non)fiction

Musika ng pakikibaka 2

12:08 PM

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(non)fiction

Musika ng pakikibaka 1

4:35 PM

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(non)fiction

Catching Up with the Time Machine

7:08 PM

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(non)fiction

Flirting with Words again!

7:21 PM

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(non)fiction

White Under The Moon

12:02 PM

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(extended) family

Reminiscing my Meanness

12:42 PM

Okay I just want to give a rest on the political talks and Mannny Pacquiao's historic feat.

As I read some posts from dear old friends and my usual laugh trip at some funny posts, I chanced upon Lance's entry. He posted an article reminiscing his antics and misdemeanors. I laughed at the idea of this "saintly" valedictorian used to stab his classmates' eyes and pushed his cousin around. Oh well, we do have sinister plans when we were a kid. Revenge is always sweet.And I have my own share of such meanness.

Yes, I am a brat. In the compound where I grew up in Marbel, I was the youngest female kid and mostly of my playmates are boys. Then there was the twins, Tonton and Tata who lives just in front of our house. Their mother wanted to have a girl but she could no longer conceive a child. She somehow "adopted" me, and the twins were my "brothers." Tonton and Tata would like to play those boy games and I always wanted to participate on those games. When they climbed the guava and santol trees, I wanted to prove to them that I can do what they can do. I followed suit even my short limbs had difficulty on climbing the branches. One day, I insisted on following them getting the ripe guava fruits. They would not let me since the tree could no longer accommodate our weight. I, The hardheaded one did not listen. I struggled to climb and reach the fruits; the branch snap off and I fell. Fortunately I fell on my butt on the sack of sands just near the culvert and not on the cement.

Because of shame, I cried. No, I wailed like a pig ready to be butchered. I created a scene.

My Nanay Nelly and the twin's mother came running and were very worried. When asked why I climbed the tree, I pointed at the twins. Tonton and Tata received the ultimate punishment on their household: leather na pakpak. In short, the thick leather belt that hangs near their altar kissed their asses. I think, Tonton and Tata never forgave me for that.

When Tata, Tonton and I met five years after that incident, we could not talk. I was too ashamed for what I have done. To break the ice, I ask, "Naglabiti ba ang paha? (Did the belt sting?)" And they nodded. I said sorry for being such a big fat mean liar and they both laughed.

I also remembered the time I pulled Maricar's hair when she told the class about Reggie's (a transferree student from Gensan) confession of his "admiration slash crush" on me (yacks!). That was so unthinkable since Maricar and I had known each other since we were four. I remembered putting those pink nicely chewed Bazooka bubble gum on Cutie's chair since she didn't let me hold her new pencil case.

Yes, I was so mean. But I got my own share of karma too from my cousins. When i turned six, I relocated at my maternal grandmother's place. We were four girls and the older ones (my ate and my other cousin) are meaner. Meaning, they bully me and Angel, my other younger cousin. In order not to get their attention, I have to behave. That gave me the precious lesson of the Golden Rule: Never do unto others what you don't want other do unto you.

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(non)fiction

Happy 1st Blog-osary!!

3:32 PM

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(non)fiction

Sabong at Swerte

6:26 PM

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(non)fiction

Kyle Baleva's way of Changing Lives

5:29 PM

When we were young, we always wanted to change the world, become Batman,Robin or Wonder-woman and save the world. We wanted to be heroes. But as we grow old, we learn that the world is full of 'bad' guys and we could not do it immediately. We could not don the flashy suit pants and help everyone. We become cynics as we see the seniors doing what is not right. We could not even distinguish outright the Right from Wrong. There are many gray areas. We become enclosed with our own world and problems that we forget to extend our hands to others.
"Hindi ko nga makayang solbahin problema ko, sa kanila pa kaya." We shrug off the social ills that slowly eating the system, the morality of this country. We busied ourselves with our work, our family, within our little own circle..thinking that it is enough to live.

But as I was browsing Inquirer, an article about a boy in Holland raises €1,000 for RP orphans made me think again. There are still people who wanted to be heroes in their own ways.

Kyle Baleva is just 12 years old! His father was a victim of torture of the 17th Infantry Battalion. They were in Netherlands for exile. He heard stories from his parents about forced disappearances, torture and abduction perpetrated by the military. The stories inspired him to train for the hike and collect 0.20 euros per kilometer he could walk. He trained with his father by walking five kilometers every week-end and gradually increasing it to 10, 20 and 30 Kms per day for three consecutive days.

The money he collected was for the children who were orphaned after one or both parents are killed or kidnapped by the state perpetrators, i.e. military. We all know areas with military intensive operations also records high human rights violations. Our state's definition of "terrorist", "enemy" and "communist" is grayer and dirtier than the murky waters.

This is one of the most inspiring story I read after reading too much greed and corruption on the daily newspapers. This is something inspiring that uplift the spirit and erases my cynicism.

Happy thoughts! ('0')