In our Theory Class, we read
Lila Abu-Lughod’s article on pregnancy in relation to the Bedouin women’s
experiences she observed in her research. It was an interesting read on how
traditional and new ways of getting pregnant, and how technology changes the
way we view women’s body. Or as my friend Ken said, it’s an encouragement for
us women to use our uterus. Haha! Hers is a new way of writing with gender perspective, an autobiographic ethnography.
I on one hand, had this topic that's boggling me for quite
some time. :) Allow me to be self-indulgent and let me share
my experience about weddings instead. Coming
from family headed by women (I grew up with my maternal grandmother and aunts),
and later on nurtured by my aunt who has 4 boys, I had the experience of
freedom to speak out my thoughts as well as compete with boys on running,
climbing the santol and guava trees,
aside from learning the expected ‘female’ roles of sewing and cooking (which I
both sucked at!J). Then after college, I worked with an
organization that is prominently governed by women (AFRIM has 13 women and only
one male staff!).
 |
| As one observer said, Highly feminized NGO. :) |
I worked under three Executive Directors who are into ‘gender
issues’. Then I became more aware of issues--of women leaders who continue to
struggle with their husbands who doesn’t like their inclusion to groups since
it ‘hindered’ their ‘family obligation’ and of community members constant
questioning of one’s lovelife and ‘settling down ideas.’
When you go to communities, you see women on their twenties (or
even younger) are already mothers. Despite promotion of reproductive health and
self-development, the idea of taking advantage of one’s fertility during
twenties resonates with my aunts. The idea of ‘stability’ and ‘marriage’
continue to perpetuate. Sometimes, my aunts or even my cousins could not
understand my decisions of further study and/or working at an NGO. You see, the
idea of ‘settling down’ is having a regular job at the government, marrying at
your 20s (to have a longer time to bond over your children?) and working your
arse off until you retire. I tried to explain to them that I was not cut for
that. Sometimes, it’s just hard to explain. Or I just stopped explaining.
There are four of us girls in the family. My sister is already
married with 2 kids, my other cousin (older than me by a year) just got married
last April and is now expecting a child. And this month, another cousin (two
years younger than I) will be walking down the aisle. And again, the most
dreaded question continues to arise, “So when are you getting married too?” You
just can’t raise you eyebrows and explain about your unfulfilled dreams,
unplanned trips and unstoppable thirst for learning. Further studies meant it
would be hard for you to be on the “marriage market”, one of the relatives
commented. Women pursuing higher studies will be at a disadvantage, a male
friend commented. Women’s value
‘depreciates’ since it’s now difficult to find a man who can surpass your
achievements and will be intimated by your intellect while for men it would be inversely
proportional. The higher the educational achievement for man, the more
desirable he is for women. (say whuuut?!!)
And I died. I thought the discourse on gender equality and women
empowerment is already on the mainstream. But traditional notion of how and
what should be the women’s role permeates. The issue of ‘multiple burden’ for
women was a part of the discussion during the 80s and continues until now.
Feminism, after all is not solely about women but also making the men aware of
the struggle. A successful woman leader I know told me her initial story of
negotiating with her husband and children; of dividing the family time and
household chores. No community woman leader can be successful without her
family’s full support. It would be very difficult, constantly
struggling with your ideals and be bonded within your home. The “marrying of the public
and private self”, that is to become wholly woman.
I remembered succinctly our forum on 2009 on “Women and
Peacebuilding: Pushing Past the Margins”, highlighting the role of women in
peacebuilding in conflict-affected countries in Asia such as Mindanao, Southern
Thailand and Sri Lanka as based on the research conducted by Prof. Rufa Guiam.
March 8, the International Women’s Day already made a long way for women’s
rights advocacies. But the challenges and conflict dynamics continue to
confront women.
Based on the Gender Equality Index of the World Economic Forum,
our country has been ranked 6th in terms of countries with high
gender rating as measured through the proportion of women in decision-making positions. More often than
not, we see women at the forefront of restoring normalcy, harmony, conflict prevention
and transformation and in the promotion of gender fair structures in society,
but seldom in the formal peace processes in Mindanao. For the past decades of
formal negotiations (with the Moro Fronts and the National Democratic Front)
while struggling for their respective right to self determination and ideology,
only a few women were involved in the peace negotiating panels. Thus, there is a need to uplift and recognize
the role of women in both formal and informal peace processes.
It is resonating the call that women’s role are beyond the
household. Women can make change in the
discourses of power, in the public level of political decision making. Women
holding power not because they are just sisters, daughters or wives of the politician
but because of their own merits. We need more women holding and wielding power for the betterment
of women.
“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” ― Anaïs Nin
PS. I really love weddings. It's magical; especially close friends asking you to be a part of their special day but I hate the when-are-you-planning-to-questions. As for the upcoming *wedding drama*, I'll just strut my booty and swear I won't join the bouquet throwing part. I had enough of that bruhaha.. nyahaha
Let me share this awesome quote:
